Chris and I have been trying to get the boys to bed earlier. Over the past few months it had been later and later, until they were both going to sleep after 10. The littlest would then wake up at 8:30 or 9, which would only serve to have a late bedtime again. Meltdowns throughout the day from both of them got worse and worse and I just don’t want to live that way anymore. I don’t want them to have to feel that way anymore.
Sick cycle carousel.
So, for the last two weeks I’ve been forfeiting my beautifully quiet mornings (and some random sleeping in of my own) to make sure the littlest is up by 8/8:15. And even still “early to bed” has been a struggle.
Tonight after 15 minutes of goodnights, we finally lights’d out at 8:37. Seven minutes later than I would have preferred, but I’m working on my perfectionism. I’m working on letting go of the reins and letting Chris participate, even if things don’t get done how and when I picture.
I digress from the point. Ha.
The point. The point is this is another perfect place to take ownership of a win. Because as my boy excitedly chatted and tried to spark playtime, I joked to him that we’d have to start making bedtime at 7 so that he was asleep by 9. Because here I was, dogging on myself because he’s tossing and turning and talking. Here I am thinking I’m not making any good headway with an early bedtime.
And he was asleep by 9:06.
That’s fucking huge! That’s enough. I’m enough.
Even though it doesn’t feel like it. Even though I don’t actually believe it yet. Even though self validation pales in comparison to validation from others.
It’s still a win. It’s still crucial I recognize it for what it is. My brain and my body need time to catch up. Awareness is the first step. I’ve got this.