Today I felt the weight of my eating disorder.
Terrible pun not intended.
It just felt so present today. And I felt so…absent.
Looking back on the day–the last few days–I’m suddenly very aware that my period is due and pms probably plays some role. It’s important to have as much information as possible.
Even before this realization though, today I noted the change in my demeanor. In my thoughts and my behavior. And I left the situation. I turned my back on the opportunity to eat more and I left the house. I drove around. I went to the store. I didn’t allow the disordered behavior to follow me there.
It felt really good. To be present with myself. For myself. I listened to music and self-care’d.
I found my way back.
I didn’t specifically think to invite my higher power along with me. But I hold space for him now. And looking back, I know he was showing up for me, as I showed up for me.