I live to be alive.

RISE fucking LIVE.

Rachel Hollis. Fucking Rachel Hollis.

I have no words.

I want to have words. But I have no words. I just have this overwhelm that seeps from my eyes and labors my breathing. Oh my god, I want to have words! I want to memorialize this moment so I never forget. So I have a place to come back to if it slips away.

But I don’t have words.

RISExLIVE was today. It started at 8:45ish. I got up at 7:30 after going to bed after 3:30. I stood at the laptop propped up on the entertainment center. L sat on Chris’s chair watching a show. Chris Chandler, the emcee, invited us to move our bodies. It felt so freaking lame. My window blinds were open for Christ’s sake.

But today was my day to show up.

So even though it felt so freaking lame, I moved around some anyway. I tried to get into it. I tried to ignore the awkward. I halfassedly did the weird squat positions. I swung my arms, putting just enough effort in to show I wasn’t sitting it out.

I felt lame.

And then Rachel comes out. And she turns lame on its head. Suddenly it’s more important to get my ass moving. At 5-4-3-2-1, I get L to dance with me. We’re Pavlov’s dogs at her command. We succumb to the Rachel. We are freaking in it.

And then the whole internet freaking EXPLODES!

Ha.

Everything is glitchy and people are complaining on the forums and I get to see in real time that those people are not my people. I get to reinforce for myself how much growth I’ve had over the past few years. I don’t even think to be mad about the glitching. I’m barely frustrated.

I committed my whole day to RISExLIVE. I hadn’t even intended to. I’m not even sure what my intention for programming was today. But I stayed through the glitching, and with each new refresh moment (and there were thousands) I uncovered hidden parts of me. I cleared away the cotton and lit the path with lights and I led the way back to me.

This week I will do a breakdown of each speaker. I ended up not watching any of Dave’s, which did hurt a little. It just glitched out too hard. I would guess that I caught about 60% of 40% of the speakers. But I stayed connected to the entire process all freaking day. Nine hours. Dancing. Connection. Note taking. Moving my body.

By the time Rachel spoke her last class, she was so keenly tuned into my soul, I could feel her energy buzzing into me.

L sat on the entertainment center next to me. A blessing. Warrior company. My partner in crime. Rachel pouring into our souls. Courage and truth overflowing.

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It was a perfect fucking day.

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