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Parallel on the other side.
I want to make healthy choices for myself as often as possible. I want “as often as possible” to be more often than not. I have so much gratitude already for every moment that is easier than hard. And I … Continue reading
Posted in 2021
Tagged addiction, healthy food relationship, higher power, mental health, my who, striving to be, the universe, where are my feet
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How quick the sun can drop away.
Addictions are so…smarmy. I mean, sometimes it is so fucking easy. It’s over off the periphery. I’m not thinking about it at all or just barely. I can even note to myself “it hasn’t been hard.” And then BAM! out … Continue reading
From up above and down below.
As the weekend comes to a close, and I suddenly have two healthy eating days behind me, I can’t help but just fucking bask in the gratitude. I don’t have to worry about this week or even tomorrow. I have … Continue reading
Like an ocean that you can’t see.
Funny thing about someone pulling their floor out from under me. My floor is still pretty damn sturdy, so I’m just standing here going “huh…well, okay.” And now I just kinda got nothing. It could be deft compartmentalization. But really … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged AA, addiction, destructive behavior, floors, made up words, marriage, random thoughts, slippery slippers
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Thinking of ways to get back home.
Fuck. My eating disorder is fucking loud today. I had started my day excited that it felt like a new start of healthiness and healing. I made Brussels sprouts even! Oh, but did my body (mind?) have other plans! This … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged [ . . . ], addiction, al-anon, binge eating disorder, blanket fort, dude-shut up--I'm navigating, eating disorder, finding my way, food, fucking empaths, I should start taking the cbd a little earlier..., I wrote a lot of expletives, it looks messy and that's okay, letting your thing be your thing, marriage, mental health, practice what I preach
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Just hold on.
I’m having a moment where I’m trying to remember all our lasts. In case you don’t come back. In case the devastation of that undoes me so irrevocably that I can’t recall a single thing about today. Or yesterday. I … Continue reading
Some kind of light at the end.
I’m not going to eat tonight. I’m so tired from making decisions I shouldn’t have been making. I’m so exhausted I could cry. I’m so exhausted I didn’t realize I was already crying. I don’t think I’ll ever be able … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, alt-til my lungs give out, decision making juice, detox, eating disorder, faith, I couldn't decide on the lyric; still not sure I chose right, marriage, my little girl doesn't have any idea she's been the icing, recovery, sleep, stress, there you are
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Anything but empty.
Not much is harder than watching someone you love have the hardest week of their life. He is hurting so much. The medication was tearing him apart while he was on it, but now that he’s stopped taking it, it’s … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, brave, connection, detox, family, marriage, medication, running on empty, withdrawal
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Don’t complicate it.
I love this blog. I often think of it ridiculously fondly and I’m just so glad it exists. I also love my daughter’s boyfriend. He feels like a genuinely nice boy. More on that when I’m better slept. It’s 11pm … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, decision making juice, doing the hard thing, family, husband, lack of sleep, medication, recovery, seizure disorder
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I knew I loved you then.
I’m lying here next to my husband and it’s almost 2am. In the trick of the dim light, he looks like someone I only half recognize. Which is an interesting metaphor for everything else. My brain can’t wrap around the … Continue reading