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Just like you said it would be.
I didn’t eat the chocolate today.I *wanted* to eat the chocolate today. Well.A part of me wanted to eat the chocolate. I sat with it instead.I reminded myself it wouldn’t offset any of the feelings or reasons I wanted it … Continue reading
The fire beneath my feet is burning bright.
A couple nights ago I shared with Chris my ribcage. Years ago (2014) I weighed much less and my ribcage was a great source of pride. I had worked hard for that weight loss. I had worked hard to overcome … Continue reading
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Tagged binge eating disorder, body dysmorphia, constructive behavior, Dave Hollis, destructive behavior, eating disorder recovery, growth mindset, healthy food relationship, keto, made for more, marriage, navigating the past, next90 challenge, Rachel Hollis, rachel martin, story time with Jill, stress, the universe, when there is finally a moment where feeling good doesn't feel bad, whole30, yoyo dieting
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Sentiments, like shadows, grow.
I have a compulsion this morning to weigh myself. I know it’s just that–a compulsion. I know the rational. It doesn’t negate the irrational. Logically I know that, whatever the number on the scale, it isn’t indicative of my health … Continue reading
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Tagged auchduh, be, binge eating disorder, body dysmorphia, compulsive thoughts, eating disorder, eating disorder recovery, honoring my body, making the choice, morning routines, non-scale victory, ocd, progress, putting in the work, self care, self talk, self worth, weight loss
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Damn sure better than rain.
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting. I wasn’t nervous at all when I left for the meeting. When I got there and sat down I was suddenly doing all my nervous things. People were inviting and warm, but also … Continue reading
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Tagged AA, al-anon, alcoholism, anxiety, binge eating disorder, community, coping mechanisms, dreams and aspirations, faith, family, friends, hope, how it works, it's time, marriage, mental illness, miscarriage, OA, recovery, shine your light where you can, support, the good things we do for ourselves that we didn't even know we needed
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Thinking of ways to get back home.
Fuck. My eating disorder is fucking loud today. I had started my day excited that it felt like a new start of healthiness and healing. I made Brussels sprouts even! Oh, but did my body (mind?) have other plans! This … Continue reading
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Tagged [ . . . ], addiction, al-anon, binge eating disorder, blanket fort, dude-shut up--I'm navigating, eating disorder, finding my way, food, fucking empaths, I should start taking the cbd a little earlier..., I wrote a lot of expletives, it looks messy and that's okay, letting your thing be your thing, marriage, mental health, practice what I preach
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Escape is never the safest path.
I keep making the not constructive choice. I mean, I realize it serves a purpose, the destructive choices–the eating choices, but they’re not constructive. They feed something in me. No pun intended. I’m just not certain they are fueling anything … Continue reading